The Meaning of the Story

After talking over with a few tutors what my story was about, I felt like the way I was explaining it wasn't being understood the way I saw it or the way I was explaining it wasn't coming out how I needed to tell the story that was still quite roughly put together. Through answering questions about what the story was actually trying to say, I finally asked myself.

Unlike, the body positive movement that focuses on different women of different shapes, sizes and backgrounds, smiling and enjoying their bodies in a Dove advert, there isn't really an obvious explanation for why this happiness with in themselves is a big deal. Why is it special that they are happy? I don't want to make this about self love. I want it to be about fighting against self hate. Self hate is way too easy to fall in to and be dominated and taken over by. That's what the monstrous 'perfect woman' I feel truly represents. At first it was all about not letting outside sources stop you from loving and appreciating all you are. Not letting outside sources change who you are. But at the end of the day, if you are overweight and feel physically unhealthy but don't want to change, in fear of losing a battle against the beauty industry, it can end up with you sacrificing your physical health to try and look for happiness in your mental health.
It may not be exactly the same, but if there is help out there for a disabled person to perhaps learn how to walk again, loving the body they have to refuse improvement in their physical being isn't something I'd see as healthy.

The other day I had quite a negative anonymous message, commenting on what I post on on my personal Tumblr blog. It seemed to bring out a response from me which I think worked with what I was saying in my film:

‘You do know it can be really and I mean REALLY unhealthy to be the size of some of the girls you reblog, I 

get you can be any shape you want and look beautiful and all that but its not healthy after a certain extent and I dont think it should be promoted...’

I reblog a lot of images of different sized girls. If you're referring to the larger ladies then:

Go tell this to the whole fashion industry. Whilst we can accept girls slimming down, we'll only get worried 

when we can see a bit of rib and then we'll be concerned when it's usually too late. 

Four of my friends had eating disorders. Three of them we only noticed until it was time for them to go to

 hospital. That's sickening to think about. One of them we didn't even realise because she she wasn't stick thin and that's terrible.

When it's a fat girl's health we're talking about, not only do we see it as unhealthier than a girl starving herself and going through mental fuck ups to be what the world considers is 'perfect' (it doesn't purely revolve around that but is one factor for many cases of eating disorders) but she isn't even shown concern. 

Quite the opposite, fat girls are hurtled with discouraging words of hate.

I don't reblog these images of girls cos i think they are perfect. none of the girls thin/curvy/fat i think are

 perfect. I don't know these girls. I don't know how their body works. For some of them their metabolism may

 work that way and in fact they are physically healthy but their fat is distributed a different way from the 

women we're used to seeing. Perhaps she is physically unhealthy and could cut down on some foods or 

exercise more. 

Again, I DON'T KNOW THEM. 

I'm not promoting anything. I like what I see and reblog what I like.

What I see are girls who at that moment in time don't feel hateful of themselves. self hate is one of the most

 dangerous things someone can experience. You have so much power over yourself, you can use that to a

 terrible extent.

When people hate themselves they destroy themselves. Do you think picking on someone for being fat is

 going to motivate them? In a number of cases they will wither away and eat for comfort, destroying

 themselves even more. You NEED to let someone make healthy choices for their body on their own terms.

 Guidance is helpful but judgement is toxic. 

Go send your anon concerns to a pro- anorexia blog or a fat fetish blog where women's bodies 

are promoted completely unhealthily and for the wrong reasons. They need it more than I do...

Another issue I faced with the meaning of the story was when I was asked, 'why have the disabled person in at all? With something like that, it seems that a strong issue like this can take over the story' and I agreed to this point. I was wondering if I needed to stick to the body image theme more than these other issues such as race, age, disability and identity. However, I realised that I wanted to do so much more than the repetitive 'this pear shape girl feels unworthy cos she's not hourglass'. This has been done before and I really think that self hate over your appearance is more complicated than 'oh no I'm fat'.